After Monday and Tuesday, even the calender says W T F
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing you will be an idiot in the future. Common sense is trying not to be an idiot right now.
(this one FTWs!) I'm not lazy. I'm overflowing with potential energy.
(this one FTWs!) I'm not lazy. I'm overflowing with potential energy.
(This should be my senpai's catch phrase x
D
)
That new Robin Hood film isn't very historically accurate.
Everyone knows Robin Hood was a talking fox.
"There's no 'I' in 'team', but there is one in 'win' and 'victory', so shut up and give me the ball! "
What do you do when you're riding a horse full speed with a zebra to your right and a lion chasing you from behind? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Toyota's new slogan: Moving forward. Even If You Do not Want to.
A man wanted to help His wife make a password for the computer. I typed "MyPenis" and she Fell Over When It Said laughing * ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH * The Friendship Prayer May the fleas of a Thousand Camels Infest the crotch of whoever set screws up your day. And May Their arms be too short to scratch. Amen. When . I. Read. Stuff. Like. This. The. Voice. In. My. Head. Takes. Pauses. (LOLWTF it IS true)
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Severely Crappy Hours Of Our Lives
Remember when we were kids, how much we wanted to grow up? Man, we really were stupid.
(INDEED)
Ever wondered why toasters have a setting that will burn your toast to the point where it's not edible anymore?
Come on Dora! You are bilingual by the age of 5, you should be smart enough to see that the banana tree is right there behind you!
Sex is not the answer... Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
(Shuten's phrase XDDD)
My doctor told me that 1 out of 3 people who smoke will eventually die. I guess the other 2 becomes immortal.
A guy shows up for work late and the boss yells, "you should have been here at 8!!" the guy goes "why? what happened at 8?"
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded! Major: Excellent! Now we can attack in any direction!
George: rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, and paper beats rock. Johnny: paper don't beat rock, rock can rip through paper..
George: well... what beats rock then?
Johnny: hmmm... i dunno. nothing beats rock.
George: oh...
When Chuck Norris plays pacman, the ghosts stay in their box. Chuck Norris speaks in fourth person.
The game of chess originally had a piece called the Chuck Norris. It was removed becausein one move, it Could Kill all Pawns, knights, and brooks, remove the bishop of historical title, de-throne the king, the queen and get pregnant. Chuck Norris
not does wear a watch. What I have decided it is time. Chuck Norris
beat the whole game Super Mario Bros ... Without jumping.
(Oh my, Then He's god XD)
eleven Chuck Norris made love with a woman in the back of a semi truck. A historical drop of semen got onto the seat and Became infused with the truck. The truck is now Known as Optimus Prime.
Once, Death Had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
You are driving on the road and you see a tree on the left side, a baby in the middle, and a telephone pole on the right. What Would You hit? CHTMLrt of fierce animal in the cage that would attack anybody who climbed in.
(Most LOGICAL answer! No sarcasm on that, srsly!)
After dying, 3 people are asked a question in heaven, "when you're lying in your casket, and your friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The 1st guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great family man." The 2nd guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving
!!!'"
3 Women Were HAVING lunch: one married, one engage, one a mistress. They all Decided to Give Their men a nice surprise and dress up for them. They Decided to wear black heels, leather bra, stockings and a mask That Covered Their Eyes. A few days later, They meet up and discuss Their ventures. The mistress says, "It was amazing! When He saw me, I Whispered That He loved me, Then we made love all night long. "The Engaged woman says," When my man Came home and saw me, I Told Me That I Was The Woman Of His Dreams Then We Had a wild night together. "The married woman says," My husband Came home, saw me in my stockings, black heels, sexy bra and black leather mask over my eyes and goes, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"
Why Men are Happy: We keep our last names. The garage is ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000, Tux rental: $100. People never stare at our chest when we talk to them. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We get extra credit for slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, they can still be our frienno need to explain," Mrs. Patel cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know that babies are my specialty?" "Well, that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try 2 in the bathtub, 1 on the couch and a couple on the bed. and sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. Although I must warn you, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the TMLXC
D
)
That new Robin Hood film isn't very historically accurate.
Everyone knows Robin Hood was a talking fox.
"There's no 'I' in 'team', but there is one in 'win' and 'victory', so shut up and give me the ball! "
What do you do when you're riding a horse full speed with a zebra to your right and a lion chasing you from behind? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Toyota's new slogan: Moving forward. Even If You Do not Want to.
A man wanted to help His wife make a password for the computer. I typed "MyPenis" and she Fell Over When It Said laughing * ERROR: NOT LONG ENOUGH * The Friendship Prayer May the fleas of a Thousand Camels Infest the crotch of whoever set screws up your day. And May Their arms be too short to scratch. Amen. When . I. Read. Stuff. Like. This. The. Voice. In. My. Head. Takes. Pauses. (LOLWTF it IS true)
S.C.H.O.O.L. = Severely Crappy Hours Of Our Lives
Remember when we were kids, how much we wanted to grow up? Man, we really were stupid.
(INDEED)
Ever wondered why toasters have a setting that will burn your toast to the point where it's not edible anymore?
Come on Dora! You are bilingual by the age of 5, you should be smart enough to see that the banana tree is right there behind you!
Sex is not the answer... Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
(Shuten's phrase XDDD)
My doctor told me that 1 out of 3 people who smoke will eventually die. I guess the other 2 becomes immortal.
A guy shows up for work late and the boss yells, "you should have been here at 8!!" the guy goes "why? what happened at 8?"
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded! Major: Excellent! Now we can attack in any direction!
George: rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, and paper beats rock. Johnny: paper don't beat rock, rock can rip through paper..
George: well... what beats rock then?
Johnny: hmmm... i dunno. nothing beats rock.
George: oh...
When Chuck Norris plays pacman, the ghosts stay in their box. Chuck Norris speaks in fourth person.
The game of chess originally had a piece called the Chuck Norris. It was removed becausein one move, it Could Kill all Pawns, knights, and brooks, remove the bishop of historical title, de-throne the king, the queen and get pregnant. Chuck Norris
not does wear a watch. What I have decided it is time. Chuck Norris
beat the whole game Super Mario Bros ... Without jumping.
(Oh my, Then He's god XD)
eleven Chuck Norris made love with a woman in the back of a semi truck. A historical drop of semen got onto the seat and Became infused with the truck. The truck is now Known as Optimus Prime.
Once, Death Had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
You are driving on the road and you see a tree on the left side, a baby in the middle, and a telephone pole on the right. What Would You hit? CHTMLrt of fierce animal in the cage that would attack anybody who climbed in.
(Most LOGICAL answer! No sarcasm on that, srsly!)
After dying, 3 people are asked a question in heaven, "when you're lying in your casket, and your friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The 1st guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest doctors of my time and a great family man." The 2nd guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow." The last guy thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving
!!!'"
3 Women Were HAVING lunch: one married, one engage, one a mistress. They all Decided to Give Their men a nice surprise and dress up for them. They Decided to wear black heels, leather bra, stockings and a mask That Covered Their Eyes. A few days later, They meet up and discuss Their ventures. The mistress says, "It was amazing! When He saw me, I Whispered That He loved me, Then we made love all night long. "The Engaged woman says," When my man Came home and saw me, I Told Me That I Was The Woman Of His Dreams Then We Had a wild night together. "The married woman says," My husband Came home, saw me in my stockings, black heels, sexy bra and black leather mask over my eyes and goes, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"
Why Men are Happy: We keep our last names. The garage is ours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. We can never be pregnant. We can wear a white shirt to a water park. We can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell us the truth. The world is our urinal. We never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000, Tux rental: $100. People never stare at our chest when we talk to them. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. We get extra credit for slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite us, they can still be our frienno need to explain," Mrs. Patel cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know that babies are my specialty?" "Well, that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try 2 in the bathtub, 1 on the couch and a couple on the bed. and sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. Although I must warn you, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the TMLXC
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